Jack Point Walk

I couldn’t resist going back to Jack Point again this afternoon (after making more phone calls on behalf of the BC Ecosocialists) – it was warm and sunny and Jack Point is the warmest, sunniest spot I know within a many-mile radius.

Abby enjoyed it too. So we walked. And I thought – thought that this was good, that nothing on this planet is more important than love and connection.

I’ve kidded myself in the past and made other things more important, often without knowing it because I was reacting to circumstances unconsciously.

I thought about the word “commitment” – not having had a great relationship with that word in the past. Realizing that the only true freedom in life comes from committing.

And so those were my thoughts.

Love-filled. And hopeful today for the planet – because I am off to rabble rouse shortly. Extinction Rebellion! Yeah! (and it must be said also disgusted by the rampant consumerism of Black Friday). At the moment, protesting is the best weapon I have.

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A fine line

I’ve often said that I walk a fine line between staying informed and retaining my sanity. The line gets thinner by the day.

I am doing what Greta Thunberg wants me to do – I am panicking. I am also in a state of almost constant amazement – that people appear to be carrying on with their lives as though everything is normal.

I wrote an email to Simon today because he is the one person I know who understands this the best. I just needed to “talk” about it to someone who would get it. I told him about the long talks I had with my mother about her life (in order to write her story) and how she talked about how normal everything was as the war was raging in Germany – until one day – very suddenly – it was no longer normal. And all the people who had been going about their lives, were suddenly penniless and fleeing and begging for food.

And so I am walking Abby and hiking and shopping for groceries and appearing to do life as normal – and I feel anything but normal.

I glean good pieces of news – little steps that are being taken – like shareholders divesting of fossil fuel stocks and cities banning single use plastics – all those things. And I will do my part. Yes I will. But I have a sinking feeling that it is all too little too late. The tipping point was reached a long time ago. And no one noticed.

There are times I feel despair. There are times I feel energized and ready to leap into the fray. Right now I am ready to fight. I prefer to stay in that frame of mind.

I had an “aha” moment on my walk today – Jack Point is the warmest, sunniest place around – it felt good. Since doing the Hoffman Process, I’ve continued working on and recognizing patterns that have harmed me. And I believe I’ve been getting on top of those. I have tools and knowledge I never had before. But today, I looked at patterns I’ve had for decades that have done more than just harm me – they have harmed others.

To put it as accurately as possible: My patterns that have harmed me – as in “I did this – and X reacted this way when I did – and that harmed me.” Yes, it may be accurate. BUT – that is just a more subtle way of saying, “I am a victim.”

I have no interest in being a victim – no matter how tempting that viewpoint is. So, today I have begun to take ownership of my old patterns that have done harm to others. I don’t care what the backlash was on me. The point is that wherever I am in my life, it’s me that put me here. And it’s up to me to move onwards.

It’s also up to me to have love and compassion not only for myself but for anyone I did wrong to in the past.

Will these learning opportunities never end?

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CPR Loop

I kind of hit the ground running this morning – off to do the CPR loop trail. I knew it would take 6 plus hours and didn’t want to leave Abby alone for too long.

I wasn’t counting on what had happened in the mountains overnight.

Snow! Lots of snow! And the snow line was right down to the trailhead. Luckily, it was only an inch or two at the deepest. But man, there were a few icy sections. Downright treacherous. No surprise that I encountered only one other person today – he did the trail in an anti-clockwise loop while I went in the opposite direction. In other words, we left good footprints for each other.

I admit, that near the beginning of the hike, I almost lost heart. I wasn’t about to turn back – but I had a plan B and C in mind: if the stream crossing was dangerous, I would turn back – and so on.

It wasn’t until I was two hours into the hike that I began to connect to my surroundings and appreciate the beauty that was all around me.

And so I am immensely grateful that I persevered (and still she persisted! Ha!) and did the full loop. It was almost one p.m. by the time I got to the top – found a sunny place for lunch – beautiful.

And then down – which was far trickier than going up.

And so – that was my day. Content to be home now – had a hot bath. fed Abby, cuddled Abby, took Abby out.

Tomorrow – the political work continues.

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Abby got her afternoon walk a bit late in the day. Why?

One word: politics.

I mean that word in a good way. Today was my first volunteering for my party: The BC Ecosocialists. So – calling every damn media outlet in the province and filling in cells on a spreadsheet is not my idea of a good time. But that doesn’t matter. It was a way for me to do something rather than sitting around bemoaning the corruption of our current government. The one that is promoting LNG and Site C and and lots of clearcutting and shooting wolves from helicopters – all that good stuff – when 11,000 scientists are telling us to panic.

Yeah – being on the phone most of the day was no hardship everything considered. And I still have at least one more full day to put in – but I am glad to do it.

Everything I can do. Every little bit. I am examining all my life choices as never before.

Hiking tomorrow. Then back to the phone.

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Roberts Roost and deep Thoughts

Abby is definitely the “Where’s Waldo?” of dogs. You’ll just have to look for her.

So – it being another glorious, sunny West Coast day, I took myself off to do some exploring. With Abby. I figured about four hours or so but knowing we wouldn’t do any huge elevation, I also figured that it would be okay for Abby.

She loved it – loved being the trail dog again and being my hiking buddy. Most of all, at about 12.30 p.m., she loved sharing my hiking sandwich – and because she was so good, I think she got most of it.

The exploring, the chasing down trails and finding new ones and all that – well, it allowed me time to do a bit of thinking. And feeling. And goddess knows I needed to do that.

When I left home this morning, I was aching so badly I thought I would break in two. It wasn’t just my own grief that was doing this. It was the dire news about this planet as well. It was knowing that our industries and governments are driving our bus off a cliff – willingly, knowingly – and they don’t care.

I suspect the super rich have an extinction plan – caves lines with money or whatever. We, the people, are dispensable. And we are being dispensed with – soon to join the other species that we are killing by the millions.

I walk a tightrope between “thinking positively” because the Law of Attraction and all that, and facing the facts of what I read and hear every day.

The thing is to stay out of feeling helpless.

When I see what is happening in the world, it dwarfs what feels like my own petty concerns – my need for a huge, long, deep endless hug filled with love. That sort of thing.

What can I do? One of the things I listened to today was a guy on the BBC who was talking about exactly this. And he told the truth – the system has to be overthrown. Capitalism wants a modest growth of 3% per year – that doubles our growth in only a few years. It’s madness. Sheer folly. The system demands growth on a finite planet. Insanity. Plain and simple insanity.

And yes, there are things you and I can do. The top two things: a plant based diet and stop flying. This is according to the guy and I see no reason or evidence to contradict that.

Much as I desperately want to go to Europe again next summer to hike the dream path, I am considering nixing it. What can I do here instead? Perhaps in the Rockies?

And what do I still eat that is an animal product? Cheese when I hike. Okay – peanut butter – I can do that instead. What else? Butter. Okay – maybe humus. I’ll try something else. Really – I mean it. I have to put my actions where my words are.

And I have a huge spreadsheet in front of me. I have a ton of phone calls to make this week for the BC Socialist Party – information gathering from media companies. I’m on it.

And on Friday – the Extinction Rebellion – I’ll be there to disrupt Black Friday.

What else?

My mind keeps going to the things Simon talked about. And here’s the thing. He was and is right. I suspect that if I had it to do over, I’d say, “Yup – you’re totally correct. Fuck it – let’s find a piece of affordable land in Nova Scotia and go totally off grid.”

Really. I knew he was right before. But it isn’t until now – now that I am taking a broad, independent view of the global situation that I am doing what Greta wants me to do: panicking.

Well, maybe not like a chicken without a head. But I get it. I get it viscerally – in a way I never did before.

I am beginning to find it absurd to carry on in life as though everything is normal: to shop and read and surf the Internet and – well, just about anything I do. I want to be radical. I believe I need to be radical.

So there we are – my thoughts for the day.

Better buy some B12 tablets.

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Sunny Sunday

Sunday afternoon. Do you know where your dog is?

I assume Abby is somewhere out there in the yard – the very large unfenced, 65-acre yard. She has become quite the farm dog. She has developed a mind of her own. Those who know her will argue that this has always been the case. But now – well – she has truly come into her own. When I tell her to come in or when I tell her to do bloody well anything, she gives me a look and a shrug and wanders off.

Okay – so she’s almost twelve years old. I take this into account. In a way, I suppose she has earned the right to ignore me. Why this was okay for her to do half a dozen years ago – well, I have no answer to that.

She seems happy. Smug, actually. Queen of all she surveys.

The truth of the matter is, I suspect she is out near the dung pile eating horse poop. So, my calling her in for dinner, won’t have any effect either. She’s foraging for herself.

At any rate, we had a nice walk in the woods this morning. It’s warm and sunny and if Abby ever comes in, I am going to settle down and watch “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” I downloaded it a few days ago – hope the download worked. It didn’t the last couple of times but that was three or four years ago. Hopefully, I’ll be able to watch it.

I read the book ages ago. I cried at the end. I don’t expect the ending of the movie to be any better so I am armed with a fresh hanky. Hell, I cried earlier today reading a Calvin and Hobbes thing – the last goody-by of Calvin to Hobbes and all that. Sheesh.

Getting soft in my old age.

But then – I suppose that’s a good thing.

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Different Kind of Day

Given the subject of the photos, it’s pretty clear that this wasn’t one of my usual Saturdays. Oh sure, I took Abby for a couple of walks – that’s just a given – but I also took in the Yellow Point Artisans Christmas Tour.

This was one of the really fun places on the trip – alpacas – who were camera savvy and ready to pose at the drop of a hat (or a treat because those were up for grabs too).

I think I dropped in at about five places, some of them really amazing. One woodworker’s shop had me in awe. It felt more like I was walking through a gallery than a work/display space.

I ran into Andrea, who I haven’t seen since the ill-fated day Simon and I met her on the ferry coming back from Vancouver. The nice thing is that she landed squarely on her feet. Such an amazing person.

At any rate, it was a good tour. I will probably take in a few more locations tomorrow. So glad I hiked yesterday. The forecast for the weekend appears to have been correct: so grey that it’s difficult to tell where day ends and night begins.

Saw a couple of things on the tour – my first thought: “Oh – Simon would love this!”

Yeah – moving forward one small step at a time.

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