Transformation – my word for 2020. I think of it fairly often – which is surprising, given I so often forget my word by February.
But this year – yes, it really is transformative. Just for starters, Simon and I have transformed this garden – this entire property. It’s so beautiful – I love living here.
And, of course, my attitude toward this property has utterly transformed. It’s my home. It’s what I have chosen, just as I have chosen Simon for life.
Even if the events of the past few months hadn’t been transformative (Covid-19 has only added to it all), there are subtle huge changes taking place inside me that I have not even begun to fully grasp.
I do believe it began with the Hoffman Process – this turmoil of change that I am embracing. Most of that change is letting the bits that aren’t me fall away. I feel a bit like the sculptor who, when asked how he managed to carve such a beautiful tiger out of a blank piece of rock, replied, “I just got rid of everything that was not a tiger.”
That’s sort of how I see where I am – just losing what isn’t me. I suspect that when I eventually get down to the bare bones, I’m going to like it.
I care less and less about what other people think – don’t mind very much if they don’t agree with me or like me. The entire Black Lives Matter movement has helped me see how important it is to stand up and speak out for what is right, and too bad if it’s not comfortable.
More and more I want to do what is right. I want to speak out. I want to tell the truth, mostly to me about myself. My first commitment is to be honest with myself.
My truth – right now – is that I love living a simple life; of being with my love and his/my family. Days of gardening, baking, cooking, hiking, writing – these things are enough.
I have love in my life – the most essential nutrient of all.
I never forget that I am blessed.