Alone

Yesterday, I changed my Facebook Status to “single.”

Yeah – I know – no big deal.

But it was a big deal to me. Four years ago when I updated it to “In a Relationship” I thought I’d never have to change that again. I felt like Carrie Fisher in “When Harry Met Sally” – “Tell me I’ll never have to be out there again.”

I’m pretty sure that at that time, neither of us thought we’d ever be out there again. Really – it broke me heart. And I’ve been feeling sad. Resilient – of course – but sad.

Now that I’ve had time to be away – time to settle where I am – all the memories come flooding back: the good ones. I remember the giggling, the hiking, the uncontrollable laughter, the shared conversations. I remember all the things I loved about Simon: his passion, his intelligence, his dedication, his humour, his tenderness – all of those things.

A friend said to me recently, “Don’t go there. When that happened to me after my breakup, I thought of all the rotten stuff.” (I may be paraphrasing just a bit.) But truthfully, I don’t want to do that. I cherish these memories. They are beautiful. Falling in love with Simon was the best “falling” experience of my life. Why would I not want to hold that dear?

And of course, there is no going back. Of course I am moving forward – I’m not sure into what. But I feel blessed to have had this man in my life.

I miss the hugs. The touches.

And I hope I find that again.

I hope that I find that sort of connection again – love and light and laughter and shared values.

I intend to love – spread that shit around everywhere – trust the Law of Attraction. See the light in everyone I meet.

Give where I can what I can.

Make a difference.

And sometimes my chest hurts and my throat hurts and I feel sad to be alone.

About goodyniosi

Writer, avid(!!!) hiker - living life to the fullest. Love, life, bliss - getting high on getting high (in the alpine that is)
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