I like showing off favourite places so it was delightful to take Scott and Abby on a tour of the Bannock Point Trails – the Awesome, Upper and Lake trails.
And then home. And then, just as it began to rain, I managed to get the dogs out to the back four for a very quick walk.
I napped for almost an entire hour today! Holy heck!
I blame it on the grey skies. And the rain is now running down the skylight. It’s good, right? April showers and all that.
And so I’m okay with it. But because I am home and I have the time, I am once again wrestling with my thoughts. More accurately, I am trying to develop some thoughts. Almost daily, I feel that I should be going deep – being profound. And nothing happens. I feel suspended in a way.
I have rarely felt so inauthentic. I am living this life that feels alien. I can’t tap into emotions. I feel like I am making it through each day in a wholly adequate way. I am coping with everything that comes along. I am nodding at the appropriate times. But there’s a certain spark that’s missing.
I am not sad but I am not happy. I am okay. In fact, everything is okay. My life is okay.
What I want to do is get beyond okay. I know what life is like and what it feels like when it is far beyond okay. What I am missing is feelings.