Trying to Make Sense of the World

Every day, it seems, a new horror waits for us – open a newspaper, turn on the computer, click the remote on the TV – and Boom! Right between the eyes.

Today, the aftershocks of the murder of Jamal Khashoggi resound – they echo in the hallways of my mind and won’t die down. Imagine – a man – strapped down to a table, a bone saw – the one wielding it putting on earphones so that he can listen to music while he cuts the living man into pieces – drowning out his screams. What did he listen to? John Lennon? Beethoven? And those who watched. Did  they have headphones on too?

And know this – it was not about murdering one man who wrote a piece about Saudi Arabia that the rulers didn’t like. They could have put a bullet in his brain and killed him instantly. But this brutal dismembering – this picture we now have in our minds – the anguished inhuman screams – the blood and gore – this murder was designed to be a message to all journalists and indeed to all dissidents. Fall in step with the regime or else.

And Jamal’s murder is the “or else.” The message.

Millions of dollars in Trump’s pocket and the coffers of the U.S. Treasury ensure that no one will be punished.

Richard Branson is to date the only man who has stood up to these brutal monsters by pulling out his investments worth more than a billion Euros.

One honourable man.

And so there it is – the news du jour piled on top of all the other news stories I am bombarded with every day – news of the earth dying, of people not caring, of poor people in Yemen being bombarded and starved to death by Western armaments – of poor people fleeing South American and being demonized by the West.

The Earth is bleeding. I saw a YouTube video this morning – a heard of elephants grazing peacefully – a white man with a gun – three, four shots – the magnificent tusked elephant falling to her knees.

I cannot unsee it.

I hardly know where to turn my bleeding heart that hurts inside my chest – physical pain. My eyes dried up years ago – I have no tears.

Was it always this way? My logic tells me yes – men have been brutalizing their fellow beings and this Mother Earth forever – sometimes more harshly than now. The difference, if there is any, is the scale.

I divide my time between my vision of the world and my focus on this small piece in my immediate scope. My sanity. I hike. I get out. Tomorrow I will be in one of the most beautiful mountain landscapes I know – and that will heal me – for a day and perhaps two. I have love in my life. I will continue to do my best in the best way I can.

I will say “yes” to those things that give me joy: hiking. Mountains. Simon. The puppies. Ancient trees. Mother Earth.

And because these things bring me joy, I will do what I can and what I must to further and preserve their existence. I have signed up as a volunteer for the Federal Green Party. I will do what I can. And in my life – how I live it – seeking to walk cross the earth leaving the smallest footprint possible and if that means giving up some of the things I like, I will – because it will bring me joy knowing that it will do the earth good. It might a very, very small thing. But a million billion small things make a difference.

And I will make my voice heard. I will stand. I will shout if I have to. I will not back down. I will seek truth and I will speak it. Truth to power, to hate, to fear. to ignorance.

Love, truth – these are the only bandages I have to stop the flow of heart blood.

And I need to spend time alone.

Alone in the mountains. My bliss.

And then – back to the fight. No longer trying to make sense of the world. The world only makes sense in the peace of the wild. The rest of it may be beyond repair. But, being human, those who are painfully aware, continue to work on repairs. What else can we do?

About goodyniosi

Writer, avid(!!!) hiker - living life to the fullest. Love, life, bliss - getting high on getting high (in the alpine that is)
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2 Responses to Trying to Make Sense of the World

  1. Arlene Collison says:

    I have been fighting for my personal freedom for so long and now it’s time to fight for others. I’m feeling so overwhelmed by the needs of so many and the brutality of those in power. I’m not a young woman anymore and I feel tired due to a lifetime of personal battles I’ve faced….and won…..but with so much loss. Most days I just want to ignore the world around me and just love up my grandkids and myself. But my heart can’t stop hurting for those who have suffered way more than I could ever imagine. My anger consumes me so often because of the heartless people in power who want to take away the dignity of those who may have nothing else. All of it haunts every waking hour of each and every day.
    Although I eat up the information you post this is the first of your blogs that I’ve read. I’ve been hungry for connection with women who share my bleeding heart and my desire to make a difference, no matter how small. Thank you for sharing your heart’s message with such raw, vulnerable passion. It’s touches the open hearts of those of us who want more….not only for ourselves and our families but for the earth and it’s inhabitants. Thank you! ❤️

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