The day started off on a “high” note (pun intended). Tammy picked me up and we went to Nicky’s place where we walked for almost two hours – up and over bluffs and through meadows – even toured the old hotel. We also did a walk-through of the garden that is looking pretty spiffy.
Sheila joined us for lunch although I’m sure she would have loved to walk. Two more weeks with a brace – ouch!
She’s either handling it much better than I would or she’s putting a brave face on it for the public. Knowing Sheila, I’d say she’s putting up with it with great good grace – being the exceptional person she is.
At any rate – that was super. And then things deteriorated from there.
I had a fairly lengthy email interaction with one of my publishers – it was pretty nasty. And I don’t do well with conflict, anger and general nastiness. So I’ve taken a deep breath and let it go.
Just let the whole thing go. I haven’t even been writing lately.
And then I took the dogs for a walk at Carpenter Creek and Shanara got out of the car and ran – gone. Poof! Just like that! – she ran toward the highway (she has never done this before). I tore off after her, Abby running behind me. I was feeling utterly panicked. The highway! OMG!
She didn’t listen to me. And then Abby came after me to the highway and I had to turn to leash her – ran across the road and looked. Shanara was gone. Visions of Bannock Point. Maybe worse. Cars and people and dogs – and finally I saw her in front of someone’s garage. I managed to leash her. I got both dogs back to the car – and that was pretty much the extent of the walk.
I don’t know why but it just discouraged me. I no longer feel safe taking Shanara with me on walks. And that’s sad.
And then there was the adrenalin rushing through me.
Got back home and just sitting in the house watching the rain coming down. This is good because the garden will lap it up. Already it’s dry and we need the rain. But I kept thinking back to one of the conversations I had today while we were walking. So many of my conversations these days centre around, “What are you going to do when you sell the house?”
I don’t know. I have no answer. I have never felt so lost. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I want to be on the coast but prices are out of reach. So then what? I have no idea.
And I don’t want to think about it.