I am so damn enlightened it boggles my mind sometimes (sarcasm font). And if you don’t get it, then we have a sarchasm going on here – but never mind. What am I writing about? Oh yes, happiness – or perhaps a lack thereof.
And that’s where enlightenment comes in. I fully admit that I am not happy. I also am extremely ready to be the first to acknowledge that It’s no one’s fault but my own. And then, I am so damn enlightened that I backspace and say – no – fault is such an ugly word. Let’s change that to “I am 100 percent accountable for my happiness or lack thereof.
This is true. I won’t deny it. That, however, doesn’t add to my happiness.
I know that I put myself here in this situation and that it’s entirely up to me to pull myself out of it – yadda, yadda, yadda. And on a day to day basis, I work at it. But, you know what? It’s work. I am so vigilant.
Happiness, at the moment, is not effortless. I can recall many times in my life when happiness was my natural state. I felt blessed every day. I didn’t question it – I just knew that I was living the dream. Looking back on that time, I am so grateful that I was aware how fortunate I was – that I did wake up feeling blessed – and that I rarely took that state for granted.
And – having experienced it, I feel pretty sure I can get myself back to that state. It’s just that now – it’s a major piece of work.
It’s not worth getting into the reasons I am not effortlessly happy – winter, grey, cooped up, cabin fever, lack of colour, money worries – gad. I’m sure almost everyone has a laundry list of stuff that gets them down. Each list is different and unique to an individual.
That stuff is the details. The important thing is to make the most of each day, work hard each day to stay on top of things, and move forward with a great degree of faith that effortless happiness will return.
But here’s the deal: everyone I know has gone through a period of unhappiness at some point in their lives and, in my humble but superior opinion (?!) I think that working hard to pull ourselves up out of it can make it harder. We are expected to be happy – in my experience, women more so than me. “You should smile more often!” What’s wrong?” “Stop moping!” You know how it goes.
And we feel that being unhappy is somehow wrong, bad, verging on a disease. Smile no matter what or, as the song goes, “smile though your heart is breaking.”
Why? Why are people so uncomfortable around unhappiness? And because they are (most of them I think) we hide our feelings, don’t talk about them, pretend everything is okay and so, probably make it worse.
Unhappiness can be a great isolating force – something we deal with on our own. Or we go to a doctor to get a prescription for happy pills.
Sometimes we have to acknowledge how we feel.
At any rate, my job, as I see it, is to get through each day, take advantage of every opportunity I can find to laugh, smile and have fun, and move toward a goal of getting back to a state of feeling blessed.
I think I’m on that path – pretty darn sure I am. But you know? – some days are just harder than others.