Oppressive. Not so bad if it’s only a day here and there, but it’s a constant.
I planted Sandra’s tree – another soft connection – and a thank-you to my friend who loved trees – and gardens. She loved gardens.
I need to get back to a routine of writing and hiking. No hiking yet. Not tomorrow – things to do. Christmas shopping in Nakusp and getting my skis adjusted – groceries. So much to do.
My chilling day hasn’t worked out quite as well as I would have wanted it to. It just seems that there is so much to do – and I really don’t want to do much of what is on my list. I know I need to clean and vacuum and I just don’t want to.
I feel grumpy, sad, frustrated, scared, stressed, tired. I wrote a story today. I haven’t edited it yet and I have no idea whether it’s good – or not. I feel uninspired. I haven’t heard back from the three publishers/agents I have submitted to and that feels discouraging. I want to feel the joy of the season and I don’t.
I don’t know what will happen when we sell this house. It seems that Simon and I want different things. That scares me.
Most of all, I want to crawl into a cave right now and hide. Or get very, very busy and sort out my life, slap myself upside the head and get on with it. Maybe I’m just being self-indulgent. Hell, I don’t know.
One foot in front of the other. Make my to-do list, check off the items. Catch up – keep going, trust that if I take it all one day at a time, it will all work out.
I love Simon. Love his daughter. I have wonderful friends. Two goofy furball dogs. Look at the blessings. Keep going. Keep working. Get up, do my chores, eat, sleep, work – keep going. Trust.