Writing that report and merely reflecting on the day, caused a few thoughts to erupt. That and Ross Bates’ posting for a KMC hike where he stressed that participants must be comfortable with boulder fields. Of course that post was not aimed at me per se – but my reaction yesterday certainly made him explicit about what the hike involved.
And so I felt immediately inadequate as a hiker. I was one of those wimps – one of those wussy people who couldn’t keep up and couldn’t do simple things that everyone else does – like hop across boulders.
Even as I thought that, I knew that this sort of negative talk was self-defeating and just plain silly. I know why I don’t like boulders. I have a poor sense of balance. I always did. Even as a child, I was the one who fell off the balance beam even just standing on it. It’s a physical limitation and I know it – so I take it into account.
At any rate, I prefer hiking on trails. I’ve done my share of off-trail and if it’s not bushwhacking through head-high slash (and I’ve done enough of that this year) I’m fine with it. Hell, I’ve even been okay with the ugly stuff. I’m pretty good with heights. So – I’m not good with boulders although, dammit, I’m better than I was.
Enough said about boulders.
Sometimes (often?) we dwell far too long on our inadequacies rather than spending time celebrating the areas where we shine.
Here’s what I know: I shine at life and love and bliss. I shine at doing my best, knowing who I am and trying, every day, to be a better version of me. And that’s what I choose to celebrate.
I’ve experienced two hikes where I did not find my bliss. And that’s okay. I’m still happy about doing them. But as much as possible, when I go into the mountains, I will endeavour to take a journey filled with bliss. That happens when I am with Simon, with Nicky or alone. Simon and Nicky “get me” and experience the mountains in the way that I do – with a kind of reverence, awe and wonder. We are happy to stop and stare and drink it in. It’s not a race. Others may say it’s not a race – these two beautiful people practice it.
And so I am feeling quiet and grateful today – grateful for the garden where vegetables are lush, growing and yielding a bounty. I am grateful for a delightful walk with the dogs, grateful for the beautiful adventures yet to come – Brennan tomorrow, Kokanee Glacier on Saturday, Skyline next week – and the adventure of simply playing a silly game of Scrabble with my husband. I am grateful for friends like Peter and P’nina who were so much fun the other night. Grateful for people like Chris who don’t judge and know how to make anything fun. I am grateful for a quiet home and a soft space where I can simply be.
It is all unfolding as it should. I fully trust that.