There is beauty everywhere if I can see it – if I can practice mindfulness. If I can practice beginner’s mind. If I can quiet my chattering brain and see with clear eyes.
As I walked the dogs today on the Awesome Trail, I thought of many things – and even had precious moments of “not thinking.” I thought about my purpose here on earth – my calling – To inspire social and environmental activism by telling powerful stories that touch people’s hearts.”
This was my calling for many years. But I saw clearly today that, like everything, it changes. Nothing is forever fixed. Who we are – and who we become. We are constantly growing, evolving, maturing (or immaturing, I hope). And I saw the changes I have been experiencing in the last two years. They aren’t gentle or subtle changes. No – quite dramatic really. And when I look at them I can see why I had such challenges when I moved here. My world had not only been turned on end – I had to change – and very rapidly.
Yes, the core of me is the same – always will be – a tiny speck of stardust that is nothing but pure love and connection. But I have incarnated into this body and this personality and I have been molding it, building it, tearing it down, rebuilding it, shaping it – all my life.
Excitingly, this is yet another new place in my life and it is only now that I am beginning to put finishing touches on this new shape; I can see how it has shifted and grown. I realized, in one beautiful dump of information, right into my heart, how my calling is now a new one. The phrasing is borrowed. It is not original. And yet, it is mine and I own it:
I am called to the mountains. And I must go.
And here I am. I can look back and see my resistance. And yet, through that, I must have had an inkling. Even when we first bought this property, I could have said “no.” I wanted to say no. My logic and common sense said no. And I told myself, in part, that I couldn’t say no because Simon loved it so much. But there was something else too. I can’t put a name to it, except that sometimes you have to step through fear and follow the heart, even when the mind yells no.
This does not mean for one second that I am completely through this new fucking growth experience (will they ever leave me alone?) – it only means that I am seeing it, recognizing it and finally embracing it. I am falling in love with my new home.
Am I still afraid of winter this year?
But not quite as much. I have something I didn’t have last year: I have a bit of experience under my belt. I have a sure knowledge of the beauty of the winter season and the magic of the snowy mountains. I have a man who I can trust, love and believe in one hundred percent. I have friends – at least one of whom I don’t just like a lot, but love.
And I am in the mountains. They called. I listened.