Today I hiked on the Buchanan Access trail again with the KMC and Sheila leading. And all the time, including on the drive to the trailhead, I was wrestling with decisions and choices. Should I hike Grohman and Kubin tomorrow – through another bushwhack and up deep snow? Not to mention three hours on a horrible Kootenay road? Or should I opt instead to join the local trail work party from Three Forks to Sandon?
Should I go back to Vancouver Island for a week or two? Should I stay here? Should I even try to make any of these decisions? Yep – a whole ton of shoulds – too many.
So, taking a deep breath, I started off enjoying the super nice people I was hiking with and the nature all around me. That accomplished, I chose to opt out of tomorrow’s hike. I just sent an email to the leader saying “nope – not going.” I am beginning to either fear that these rather grim hikes are the Kootenay norm or that they’re not and it’s just what I’ve been saddling myself with lately.
And so, in a sort of way, I am trying to reset. Tomorrow I will make a trail contribution and I think that’s a good idea. I will also be outside for hours going uphill etc. So it’s all good.
As for going to Vancouver Island, a huge part of me wants to go. Another big part knows it’s not going to be the same. One thing I loved there was my snug little nest. That’s gone. And by the time the alpine is accessible there, it will be here too.
I made one decision today. Hell, I’m not going to push it by making another.
Simon picked lilancs off our tree today adn brought them inot the house.