Interim

The alarm went off at 6. I was prepared. My pack was stuffed and ready. All I had to do was throw in a sandwich and I was set to go on an off-trail hike/scramble. Excellent!

Except for the fact that Rick called at about 7 to say it was cancelled – something about heavy rain and thunderstorms. Really? Is that all?

Okay – time to reassess my day – and I had a lot of unplanned time ahead of me. I spent a good deal of that time this morning doing next to nothing – cruising the Internet and Facebook and posting political stuff – important stuff like OMG – Drumpf has done it again – and smug stuff like “Yay Greens! Go!”

I then finally got it together to take the dogs on a short walk and to go to the grocery store to pick up food for tonight and tomorrow.

Let’s see – talked to my bro for a while – he and his wife have some health issues to deal with – none of them terrific. Talked to Julie for an hour. Thrilled to hear that she, the boys and Paul are doing so well. I actually did a bit of tidying up and re-organizing around the house – not much but a bit.

I keep thinking that I should have been spending more time writing. Maybe so but I didn’t. So there. I should also have been reflecting on deep philosophical things. I haven’t done that either. Sometimes I wonder why I am squandering my life when it is so precious and so short.

Or am I squandering it? There are days that I wake up with a palpable sense of excitement – this is going to be an amazing day! Exciting and unexpected gifts are coming my way! Today! Today, being a relative term (sigh).

I still feel that I am on the brink of something. I don’t know what it is. But I know it’s going to be very good.

Sometimes it’s enough to have a quiet day. Sometimes it’s enough to have a life filled with love – loving someone as amazing as Simon and being loved in return. And then there’s the amazing love of my friends. And Alisa is coming in a few days. I am so looking forward to seeing her again – the most beautiful young woman inside and out.

Writing? Yes, I still think I’ll get some done. I still think wondrous things are about to take place in my life.

I also know that I don’t know that every day is wondrous – Right. Now. It’s not something that’s about to come my way. It is here right now every day and every moment I’m alive. I know that I am not aware of this. I know that I think the wonder is yet to come. I know that I am caught up in linear time and expectations of what is yet to be.

But I also know that this sense of expectation is exciting. I like it. I don’t want it to go away. And I have lived long enough to know that I will be grateful for what comes, just as I am grateful for what I have now – even thought I don’t always feel it. I don’t always express it. There are two times when I am most aware of this gratitude: when I am out there on a mountain and when I am here – loving my man and being loved in return.

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