Frustrated

Simon and I had a wonderful talk last night. I think that as we get more and more “comfortable” with each other – sharing all the mundane-ness of our day-to-day lives, we often don’t take as much time just for “us” as we used to when we were so brand new. This is, of course, perfectly normal and I don’t mind one bit. That said, when we do take the time to spend a day hiking together or to spend an evening just talking, it’s a beautiful treat. It deepens intimacy and brings us closer together.

And so I woke up this morning determined to get a lot of stuff done – and I did. The sourdough bread will be ready for the oven in a couple of hours, the laundry is clean and folded, the bathroom is clean, the house vacuumed and all my writing and submitting is done.

My first bit of frustration hit when I went out with the dogs because the beautiful, warm morning sun had given way to chilly afternoon showers! Rats! No matter – I’d walk the dogs on the Galena Trail anyway. But then, a few minutes into our walk, Shanara heard noise from the road department next door and decided it was too scary to continue so ran back to the car. That meant that I had to run like mad too in case there was traffic on the road. I’d actually wanted to go out and stretch my legs – rats!!!!

So I did a very quick shop instead – it was raining a bit harder by now. And then, on the drive back I wondered where I would go tomorrow. This was always a rather fun exercise for me on the island – deciding which day hike to do on my own: Maple Mountain? Tzouhalem? Westwood Ridges? Abyss? Benson? Prevost? Baldy? Foothills? I had quite a nice list of hikes that would take anywhere from 4 – 6 hours.

My frustration is that I don’t have that here. I thought about exploring more trails at Bannock Point and then wondered how bad the snow would be at the higher trails. My other choices are all pretty much road related and I am so very tired of walking on roads.

I’ve whined about this before – and complained and pouted – and we’re all getting mightily sick of my carping. Pretty sure that’s correct. So I think I’m graduating from frustrated to downright pissed off. April – yuck! Can’t get to the summer trailheads due to snow. And truthfully, I doubt that even in the summer I’m going to get to trailheads on my own – not with the roads what they are around here.

I’m frustrated that I can’t think of a solution to this issue.

I’m going to have to think hard about this. How to get into the mountains and how to do that on my own. That is the issue.

Meanwhile, I am turning my focus to better news. The Nikkei Society is hiring both Simon and I to write something. That’s rather oddly vague but at this point they don’t know if they want a booklet, a pamphlet or even an actual tome. We shall see. Nice to have writing work though. And I also had a most interesting reply to a query I sent to an agent this morning. We shall see.

I must focus on these positive things – and, I suppose, shift my thinking in how I hike. My alone hiking may be at an end – or very different. I will just have to adjust. I have an internal war raging. Half of me is saying, “Change your mind!” The other half is giving the middle finger and saying, “Fuck that!”

Yup – the little people in my brain are in full-out war. What fun!

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