It’s not just the house though that makes me fortunate. Kathleen is a wonderful person. We talked for hours last night and again this morning on our two plus hour walk in the UBC Endowment Lands.
And now, very soon, we’ll be going to Sandra’s party. In other words – hugfest!
It’s quiet here in my little cave – peaceful – a place where it’s easy to write. And I wish I had deep thoughts and profound ideas to write about. All that has come to mind is the small bit I read from Joseph Campbell today – follow your bliss and all that you most desire and need for a joy-filled life will come to you.
I believe this is true. Kathleen and I touched on this last night – it’s another way of talking about the law of attraction. But I also believe that the law (which works) works when you put no thought or effort into it. That is, if I think I want more money in my life, I will get more wanting of money.
If I truly follow my bliss, all I will do is something I love doing and so I will get more and more of it. It won’t surprise anyone to hear me say I love hiking. And it’s also no surprise to learn that I am doing more and more of it, not that I am aiming to do this consciously – but just because I am following my bliss.
My bliss is in the alpine – getting up there, walking in those unbelievably beautiful places – places that are so special they are sacred to me. I think about them, dream about them, long for them, ache for them and celebrate them every second I am there.
It’s funny how it goes: there I am trudging up the trail, working hard, knowing there will be a payoff but, in many cases, not even aware of what the payoff will be. But I follow the track, trusting it will lead me to the place I need to go. And then it happens – I see the first peak – and then another – and maybe a tarn – some bonsai firs – an alpine meadow – a piece of glacier. My heart starts beating faster. And then – slowly or suddenly – the alpine reveals itself: towering peaks, rolling alpine meadows, giant crags and rocks – and I simply want to weep, cry, shout or sing with joy. Usually all of those things at once.
I started hiking many years ago – 40 or so to be more accurate. First, it was once a year. I lived in Toronto and had to wait until summer when I could fly to Switzerland for two or three weeks. And I would hike every day I was there, my muscles and lungs screaming their protest the first few days with the unaccustomed altitude and exercise.
Then I moved to the West Coast and started hiking almost every weekend – Whistler and all the North Shore Mountains. And then, Vancouver Island – hiking one day a week. Then two days a week as I cut down on work. Then, most recently three days a week.
Two or three days – I’m good with that. But I do wish I could get into the alpine more often. However, nature hides those glories from us everywhere in the world – revealing them only for a few months a year so that we can truly have our breaths stolen from us when we venture up into those heights that are inaccessible at most times. Snow – sure, I’ll snowshoe up there as much as I can – that will get me into the alpine in some places – not all of them.
Follow your bliss. The mountains are my bliss – being inside them, embraced by their arms.
Writing? I’m not sure it’s my bliss or something I have to do – that I am driven to do. I can’t not write. I have been writing since I first picked up a pencil. It’s like breathing. I do it. I don’t question it.
Love? That’s something else altogether. Love is organic. It is the centre of the universe. There is no bliss without love. There is a reason we call it “falling in love” – Love is gravity – we fall into it – it is the centre and we circle around it, are drawn into it – fall and fall and fall.
Finding Simon feels like a completion of my life, a circling of the square if you will or the third part of the triangle. I didn’t know that I needed this particular love in my life. I wasn’t looking for it – far from it. I’d decided never to be in a relationship again. But months before meeting Simon and falling in love with him, something made me say, “I’ll be open to love.” Somewhere there is a wisdom inside me that is beyond my conscious awareness.
And I think I was ready for this love because everything else was in place. I was following my bliss; I was writing (although not the true “love/heart” writing I am doing now) and living a life that was introspective, joyful and connected to our Mother.
To truly live this life fully, I needed to deepen that connection and for that I needed one very special someone to wake up a certain spark inside me. I didn’t just need to love – I’d done that before – I needed to experience being loved. Really being loved. Simon loved me (and loves me) in such fullness that I know, without a doubt, that he truly loves me. And this is why I could finally do the trust fall – fall completely, knowing the forces of love’s gravity would spin me around and keep me safe.
Because of this love, I now have the opportunity to not only follow my bliss more intently than ever before, but, more importantly, I have the chance to fully explore the connectivity of all things – the life that is in nature, that we are part of. The connection is a force of love. To fully connect, I have to love fully, both giving and receiving it.
At times that still feels scary. And so it should. It should take me out of my comfort zone. I do not want to be comfortable in this process. I want to ache, stretch, grow and offer myself up to the love gods – do with me what you will because I know I am safe and on the biggest adventure of my life.