My first reaction is that I’m completely pissed off. I am so tired of things going wrong. First everything that could have gone wrong with the RV this summer did (not negating the wonderful summer adventure). Then we buy a truck and I don’t even want to think how much money we’ve pumped into it. And now we have a house that is eating money – and just when we think that things are on track, the water line freezes and we have no water. We have no idea when we will have it again. For now it’s hauling buckets and boiling water on the stove.
I hate this with a passion. I hate it when we had plans to snowshoe today and we had to cancel because the house took priority. And that’s why I have resisted the idea of house ownership for so many years. Having owned more than my fair share, my experience has consistently been that they’re not worth the time, energy or money. You can’t really “own” land anyway. May as well keep your money, have your freedom and buy experiences.
But here we are. I can’t clean the house which is full of drywall dust because I need lots of water to do that. Simon is being his usual heroic self. Oh my goodness but I admire him. He is as pissed off as I am but is forging ahead, going up and down the hill to try to thaw out pipes in the dead of night and the freezing cold and doing everything he can to make this easier on me.
And I am sitting here whining.
Soooo pissed. I feel like hitting the house with a giant hammer.
Alisa and her boyfriend were supposed to arrive today (she today – he tomorrow). But she called last night – still too ill to come. And while we will miss her terribly, it’s also true that it would be much worse if she were here – all of us with no water and no way of keeping really clean etc.
I’m sure we would all have made the best of it, but it wouldn’t have been as effortless as we might have liked. Not to mention that the guest bathroom would have been totally unfinished because ALL of Simon’s energy has gone into water.
At any rate, I do believe that I should be feeling bad about all this whining and anger. A better person would joke and laugh and smile about all this. Well, you know what? I am not a better person and to hell with it. I embrace who I am – right now anger feels like a great energy. I spent most of the day feeling defeated and apathetic. Horrible energy. Anger at least gets me moving. And that included getting the dogs out on a walk and seeing an ice rainbow.
So – to hell with everything. I fully embrace being awful and icky. F*&k it!
This is me and that is also plenty good enough for me.