Authenticity

p1000979_fotor My morning started in the best way possible: hiking with two beautiful people who are newly in love – just three weeks!

New love is amazing – the world seems to be in sharper focus. Every word from your love is precious – everything they do is a miracle. Love is a brand new precious gift and you have been singled out by the universe to receive it. You know that you have loved before – but never like this! You know that others love – but no one can fully understand the power of what you are feeling.

The world is fresh and new and anything is possible.

New love – you want to sing and dance and you walk around with a Silly Idiotic Grin (SIG) on your face all day long. You are suddenly cheerful ALL the time – you regale your friends with the wonders of this person. In fact, you regale strangers with the wonders of not only this special person, but of the beauty of whole world. Suddenly, being alive is a miracle!

Your happiness and your love are gifts to others – because when you are newly in love, it shines out and spills over on to everyone. It’s a beautiful thing.

If you’re very, very lucky, new love grows and deepens – the newness does not diminish and neither does the joy and wonder. Rather it grows and roots deep into the fertile earth of your soul while simultaneously growing multiple branches in your heart, reaching for the heavens. If you’re lucky, you continue to grin like a silly idiot. I count myself as one of those lucky people.

I loved spending the morning with Kevin and Lisa – I love their love. I loved talking about love and, naturally, telling them the miracle and wonder that is Simon. I admit that I gushed. I see this beautiful man – who has his faults just as I do – and who I love “anyway.” And I don’t love him despite his faults – rather, because of his faults.

I believe it is our wounds that allow the light to come in. We are all wounded and we are here to heal each other’s wounds. When two people come together, whose aim is to love the other with their whole hearts, holding nothing back, then healing occurs. And it’s not all rainbows, fairy dust and puppy dogs. Simon and I have had our fights. But because we built our marriage on a foundation of love, we have come back stronger for it. And, surprisingly, (or not) those disagreements have actually helped the healing and growth. Fights are often based on false perceptions engendered by past relationships. If we can fight and then talk and delve into the source of the anger or sorrow or frustration, we heal and grow.

But wait, what did I mean when I titled this piece, “authenticity?”

I’ve been thinking about that word for a couple of days, particularly in relationship to my constant striving to be a better person. I’ve been aiming for that all my life. When I was very young – a child really – I equated being better with being perfect. You can imagine how that idea devolved and how I castigated myself daily for failing to  live up to an impossible ideal.

My ideas about “better” changed with time but always there lurked in the back of my mind the idea that a “good” person is always sweet, kind, selfless, loving, blah, blah, blah. At the same time, I strive for authenticity. Being my idea of “good” sometimes just doesn’t jibe with “authentic.” Authentic means being real and if I’m afraid or angry or just plain cussed, covering that up and putting on a happy face is far from authentic.

So how do I reconcile the two? I’m not sure. I don’t have the answers. For now, the best I can do is be as true and honest as I can, however that looks, And if I’m not being a good, kind, generous, selfless person because I’m just not there at the time, then at least, I hope that deep inside I am loving and kind – that it’s a touchstone I can reach and draw on. I hope that courage will always overcome fear and that love will always win out. I hope so.
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About goodyniosi

Writer, avid(!!!) hiker - living life to the fullest. Love, life, bliss - getting high on getting high (in the alpine that is)
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3 Responses to Authenticity

  1. I love your authenticity. We all get mad, upset, frustrated, scared and tested beyond our comfort levels. If we didn’t respond to such forces that come to play in our lives we wouldn’t be human. You are at your best when you are open and fearless to your emotions, when you let your heart speak and your mind do what it needs to do in its natural state.
    How we respond to the authentic but non-cheery aspects is the kicker. It can become far too easy to get addicted to the rush of rage, the adrenaline response of fight or flight, or hysterics or tears that almost always garner attentions from others – or the famous saying-nothing and cocooning to avoid any sort of confrontation or judgment against us. But this is as far from authentic, in my view, as the perpetually happy Bambi-types (who are often the greatest powder kegs just waiting to go postal).
    It is when I try to pretend, to imply that life is all a bed of roses, that the wheels usually fall off. I’m better off to acknowledge when I’m challenged by my emotions rather than sugar coat them.
    I love that you love me ‘anyway’, that I can be genuine and know that you know I am always striving to improve and love and give and cherish greater and better than before.
    I love that you ponder these questions – not because of any discomfort they might cause – but because you care to ask them. You are an intrinsically ‘good’ person, and when all the ‘ugly bits’ bubble (or boil) to the surface, as they are bound to sometimes do, I promise I’ll always love you ‘anyway’ too.
    Your SIGMan.

    • goodyniosi says:

      Oh my gosh – I love you so much. You are not only the most amazing and loving man I have ever known – but also the most authentic and therefore – the most loveable.

  2. I can also paint and fix sewer lines…

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