One year ago, we hiked up Mount Tzouhalem from Genoa Bay Road. We talked and talked and talked (well, to be honest, you talked more than I did – smile). We talked about what it takes to have a great relationship. We talked about couples we knew who surrounded themselves with love – and there was a subtext in that talk. We were testing the waters. It came as no surprise to me certainly, and probably not to you either, that we wanted and valued the same things. We continued the pattern we started on our very first hike: “me too.”
I told you, at the top of the mountain, about a great pain I had suffered – and you listened. For the first time ever, I felt truly heard, understood and utterly safe. You told me that my confidences were safe with you. I knew, beyond a doubt, that this was true.
I had already fallen in love with you and today, I love you even more than I did then. Every day, I wake up and my heart is more full. I have never experienced so much love – I have never received such love. I am grateful that you are in my life – every day.
Today we are physically apart – but not apart in any other way. As promised, I carried you in my heart today as I retraced our steps up that trail to the top of Mount Tzouhalem, along Field of Dreams and to the same lunch spot. Yes, it was supposed to rain, but just as you had predicted, the rain stopped just before I reached the trailhead, and even before Abby and I crested the top, the clouds rolled away and the sun shone down – warm and bright.
I hiked slowly and deliberately. I thought about you and about everything we have shared in this past year. I thought about the anxiety I had in the early days and weeks – the uncertainty – the questions. I thought about how our love has grown. I thought about the certainty I have now – no questions – I am sure of your love. This does not mean that I take your love for granted. I feel blessed by it. But I know you and I trust you – I trust our love. I know it is firm – a solid foundation.
I thought about you creating our home. I know that I am the luckiest woman in the world.
I thought about disagreements we have had in the past year. It hasn’t been all puppy dogs, sunshine and rainbows. But I think we have emerged stronger for those times. We have learned more about each other and we have helped each other on our separate journeys – and our together journey. My journey is intricately entwined with yours now.
I bless what we have. For the first time, I love someone and am loved by them without feeling any diminishment in myself, my freedom, my autonomy or my independence. We are together because we want to be. I choose you for my husband every day – consciously and with love.
I miss you – your physical presence – and yet I don’t pine for you. I am happy and joyful. I live my life richly and fully because I carry you and us in my heart.
I know that we will continue to make each other crazy now and then – how could we not? We are both certifiably nuts! But I also know that we will continue to accept each other fully for who we are and support each other in our journeys to grow into the best you and me we can be.
One year. So many more to come.
I love you so much.
You make me happy. You put a smile inside me every moment of every day.
Today I celebrate you and us.