I always feel good when I get rid of “stuff.” And really, I don’t even have to put that word in quotes – any stuff will do. I suppose I am a minimalist at heart. I can browse through Pinterest and adore the look of an artfully cluttered cottage but if I have clutter around me, it had better look very good or have a purpose. I tried it once – baskets full of dried flowers and such – and it felt so good when I got rid of all those dust catchers.
If you accumulate enough stuff, you no longer own it – it owns you.
So, today I went down to the garage and hefted boxes of things into the CMax – all the garbage for the landfill toward the front and the Recycling Exchange things to the back where I could get at them first. I even ended up stuffing the space in the front seat. I’m sure I can go through what’s left and minimize even more, but, for now, I feel very good about the amount of stuff that disappeared, some of it having lingered in the garage for years but most of it items that didn’t sell in the garage sale.
The folks at the Recycling Exchange seemed happy to help me unload; the Landfill people were equally helpful. There was something madly cathartic about being parked at the top of a monster bin and just heaving stuff over the side. And then – driving home with a perfectly empty vehicle, which I then proceeded to semi-clean. This means I got a bucket of soapy water and cleansed the dogs’ nose art from the back windows and all traces of chocolate from the front seats and dash. I even got rid of the worst of the muck from the rear before my energy and will petered out.
But I did lots more today too: laundry, Abby’s nails and ticking off items on a list while creating another list. I feel completely justified in taking a day off tomorrow to hike. And then another full day on Sunday. I do believe I can do one day off and one day on (meaning hiking of course – what else?) and still get everything done. Next week I shall get boxes and begin packing. I am also grappling with address changes – both real and virtual.
I picked the very last of the raspberries today. (sob!) And I walked with Abby down at Cable Bay – came across the staging point for the re-stringing of the power lines to Mudge and Gabriola. It was a beautiful , warm, sunny day.
My “routine” has almost completely settled into what it was a year ago when I was single. And that seems surreal. Sometimes it feels as if this upheaval in my life never happened. I’m back to eating dinner in front of my computer and making meals for one and reading a lot and playing music all day. I wonder if Simon feels as oddly displaced as I do.
It’s a good, peaceful life – but not one I want any more. What I want now is my life with Simon – mad as it is – it’s my love-filled life. Being alone is nice – everything under control. Definitely serene. The minute you open your door and your heart to another and make that commitment, life just isn’t the same. It becomes unpredictable, sometimes out of control and occasionally riddled with conflict. But it is also filled with sharing, tenderness, love, laughter and shared dreams and goals. Suddenly, it’s not just one – it’s a family and with that comes responsibility and all the joy of loving and giving.
So – no – I wouldn’t trade my new life for anything. Nothing makes me smile so much as reading an email in the morning from my love or talking to him at night.
My world has expanded and grown and although sometimes if seems that it might be safer to just pull my turtle-head back inside my shell and hide there, I know that real life happens in the great big world of risk – in the space beyond my comfort zone where change is the norm and where it’s possible to embrace all that because I love and am loved.