I fear this post is going to be fairly incoherent. My head feels likes it’s wrapped in cotton wool. No – not just my head – everything is wrapped in cotton including my very soul. I am ungrounded. I don’t like this feeling. But there it is – I’ll just soldier through because that’s what you do – you get through stuff one step at a time.
I shouldn’t feel quite this awful – at least, that’s what I keep telling myself. All that happened was an early morning and a long drive from Keremeos to New Denver. Simon and I were supposed to meet at a specific location before I got here, but I screwed up and we didn’t and that was stressful. As a result, we have had to reschedule our lawyer’s appointment until tomorrow – one more thing in an already crowded day.
And then more – so much more to do, including moving the RV to the house site tomorrow when the deal is closed and all is done. I saw the house in the sun for the first time today – better.
I remember about two or three years ago, joking with Paul, my hiking buddy (who was also single at the time) that all I did during my days was work, eat, sleep, hike. He said, “Well, all I do is work, eat, sleep, hike.”
We called our lives boring.
Right now, I think how wonderful to have such simplicity. I miss the peace and serenity of that life. I feel unglued, unhinged, ungrounded.
But I think this is what happens to anyone when they make big changes in their lives. I am not unique. Today I thought about my mother and father, coming to Canada in 1951 – a strange country they had never seen with no guarantees of anything – neither home nor job – and they had three young children.
Like all immigrant or refugees – there is uncertainty, stress and complete ungroundedness. I thought perhaps I feel just a bit like that. After all, I don’t know anything about this place. But I’ve done this before. You just take one step at a time and you get to know the place – you dig in – you give it your all.
Tonight it all feels harder because I am so darn bagged – mentally tired. Exhausted, to tell the truth.
What I need is a rousing game of Scrabble and an early night. There’s a combination that is pretty much guaranteed to fix anything.