I’ve also done enough: ticking things off my list like cleaning and laundry and selling my car – done enough to set wheels in motion so that I am feeling more grounded and at home.
In order for me to find equilibrium within, I have to inhabit my spaces. It doesn’t matter if that is my house, our RV or a motel room – I have a need to spread my being into the space. When I feel home I am okay. Coming back after three months on the road where home was an RV and, even more so, the high alpine trials, it took a while for me to come back. The day after returning I even had a massive headache, which I never have. Even my body was rebelling at the changes: so quick and unexpected.
But now – now it’s all beginning to fall into place. Simon and I have more questions than answers, more things to ponder than to decide, more maybes than sure things – but each step we are taking supports the decision we made.
One decision can change a life – as Simon posted in his blog. We made a decision to buy property in the Slocan Valley. The only possible outcome is a massive change in our lives. I like the way we are dealing with them. Simon is shouldering the largest burden: a massive undertaking of repairs and building, not only to the house, but also to the property and, on top of that, to the RV and goddess knows probably to the truck we are about to buy.
And he does it without hesitation or complaint. He is irrationally dedicated to making a home for his family. For that I am eternally grateful. I am moving in smaller increments. My mind can’t handle massive chaos – I have to make lists and take things one step at a time. Along with that, I have to keep myself grounded and that means getting out on the trails. I know that this is essential for my happiness. I’m so glad that Simon came with me today. I’m sure it was as good for him to move as it was for me. And now he is taking apart a generator motor and doing things with it that might or might not make it work. Hopefully it does. If not – so what. I celebrate the courage he has in doing it in the first place.
My man is amazing!
I wish I had more time to write these days. I feel massive bursts of writing energy and a desire to sit and tap at my keyboard for hours. I have ideas spinning and careening through my mind. I want to get it all down. But I also have other things to do.
It’s all good. I’m beginning to get excited, if not for the actual thought of winter and driving, then at least for a new way of living that might just be one of the most exciting things I have ever done.