Oh wait! We do! Well, that explains everything!
Despite the general dreariness, we made the decision last night to stay here until Monday and then head over to the Sunshine Coast. Travelling on Mondays – avoiding the weekend madness. Seems to make sense.
At any rate, the rain abated enough by about 9 a.m. to allow us to go back to Elk Falls Provincial Park, which I had done a quick exploration of yesterday. This time we all went. The sun came out and we had a wonderful time. The old growth trail with its towering cedar and fir giants was a revelation. The river with its aquamarine water was a beauty. We had a great two hours.
Then, back home for lunch and a nap, a game of Scrabble, laundry and another dog walk, this time exploring the trails surrounding the campsite. Yes, it says “Private Property” on those trails – but hey….. I also have never put much stock in the “keep out” signs on the Westwood Ridges and Roberts Roost trails.
So there we are. Looking at the forecast, it seems that we are destined to do a short walk tomorrow and then a major day hike up Crest Mountain on Friday – and that gets me very happy and excited.
So – tomorrow will be down day number three.
I had a bit of a down day in another sense as well. While Simon was chatting with the campground owners today, extending our stay, they referred to me as his mother.
All that did was feed into my “stuff” – and I don’t know how else to describe it. I know that Simon and I are happy equals – a couple – all that good stuff. And the people who know us and care about us don’t dwell on the age difference one bit. I also know that I am every bit as strong and healthy as I always have been. I look in the mirror and most times genuinely like what I see – especially in the mornings when my hair rivals Einstein’s.
When I lived alone, I did nothing but celebrate my physical self. I never concerned myself with age. Now I do and I hate it. I don’t want to think about it, but when I hear comments like that, I just want to run away to Zanzibar and live in a cave so that I don’t have to hear it – so that I don’t have to think that I need nips and tucks.
I am not immune to vanity.
I get this crazy inner voice telling me, “Cut and run before he does.”
And I feel like I need to sit somewhere quietly and hug myself and soothe myself and reassure myself of my worth.
I know this is all my own stuff, fed by the media and society etc. etc. – but I am not immune. By falling in love with Simon and committing to him, I have opened myself up to this – it’s going to happen and I’m going to hear it. I know that Simon doesn’t care. I’m the one who cares and I’m the one who has to fix it. I’m the one who has to have a talk with myself about it. And I have to be careful not to make it an angry (shape up for heaven’s sakes) kind of talk, but a gentle, loving, understanding chat.