Last night I went to my first “writers circle” in Victoria – very glad I did. I like the people involved and think some of them are very talented. I like the respect and care that goes into the feedback and I certainly enjoyed the laughs over the early assignment. I believe this is going to be a constructive venue for me to explore my recently completed manuscript – to get some feedback that will improve my work before I submit to publishers.
On the way home, Simon and I had an interesting conversation that allowed me to look more deeply into myself – who I am. When am I being authentic and when do I stray from that? And, if I do, why do I do it?
If I do have moments of inauthenticity, I believe I am probably not alone. I think certain situations trigger something. If we become less than who we are, I suspect we do it out of fear, because to be one hundred per cent real requires utter vulnerability, and I don’t believe we are willing to be vulnerable when we feel we are in danger, even if that peril is only imagined.
At any rate, I have been thinking about our conversation off and on since last night. I want to explore this subject more deeply and I plan to do that today. It’s possible this question will carry me farther than just one day. I am curious and interested in tracking it to its source.
A good place for me to start is with my childhood, when I was told multiple times to “calm down” and to not get so excited. Also, “be quiet” and “sit still” – all the usual BS impossible demands made of kids.
I’ll see where these thoughts lead me – one thing I know is that I will learn more information about myself, and that’s a good thing.