After breakfast this morning, we walked on the green trail on Mount Tzouhalem. As we walked in the beautiful warm spring sunshine, we talked about relationships and what makes them work. Simon is so wise. When we met, each of us in our own way had come to the conclusion that we would never live with another person again. Of course, now we are looking for a place to live together.
What made us change our minds? We talked about relationships that work and those that don’t. What didn’t work for Simon – what made red flags pop up for him – were women who told him what to do or who tried to change him. I suspect those two things go hand in hand. I can’t quite say what made me want to run when I was five minutes into a “first date”. I know I had a visceral reaction. Something just didn’t feel right. If I had to narrow it down to one thing, I think it would be neediness.
And what makes a relationship work? We talked about couples we admired – people who had been together for years and were obviously still very much in love. What was different about them? Respect certainly. And celebrating who the other person was. Instead of trying to change their partner or consume them into an entity called marriage, they wanted only to enhance who their partner was – to applaud them and support them in ttheir endeavours.
I have always believed that a solid, healthy, loving relationship is one in which each person finds a safe space to become the best of who they are, to heal their wounds and to realize their full potential.
I believe Simon and I have such a relationship. I feel honoured snd respected – loved for who I am in all my twitishness. In return, I can only say what I say to Simon every chance I get: that I love him exactly as he is, that I respect and admire his talents, his abilities, his beauty, his heart and his soul. Every day I love him more. I respect him. I count myself the luckiest woman alive to have this man in my life – to have his love. I hope that I can add happiness and real quality to his life, knowing he is doing the same for me.
I have also always thought that it is necessary to share values and to at least have some common interests. I am utterly delighted that Simon and I do share those values and that we go on adventures together. Hmmmm – seems to me, as I think about it, that this life together is one huge giggle fest of an adventure, with much more to come.
I am so lucky.
And of course, we have our faults and our warts and our bruises. The best part of that is that we love each other anyway.
We will always love each other anyway.