Today is longer than yesterday by two seconds. Reason to celebrate!
I have many reasons to celebrate. The biggest is my (newfound) ability to overcome my fears.
You don’t get to be an adult who has loved and lost and experienced the slings, arrows, bumps, and contusions of life without scars. The thing about physical scars is that they heal the wound. Emotional scars can be opened easily.
Interesting scientific fact (at least I think it’s a fact. I remember reading this in a reputable journal some years ago): humans can’t remember what past physical pain feels like. (That may explain why women have more than one child) We can recall that there was pain but we cannot relive it. But we can relive emotional pain in excruciating detail – as though it was happening all over again.
And so, even though I know that I’ll bump into triggers that will evoke past hurts, I seem to be taken by surprise when it happens. That happened to me today. Today, I felt myself hurting. What made a difference this time is how I handled it. I talked to Simon immediately. And we handled it – and we ended up laughing and loving each other and I feel good and kind and loving – joyful, not hurt.
Ten years ago, the wound would have festered because I would have been too afraid to face my own pains. My biggest fear is not so much being hurt, but how I will be judged for being hurt. Wow! Convoluted. But true.
I remember the day some years ago when I messed up at work. I immediately went to my boss, talked about what I had done and what my solution was for handling it. The outcome was not necessarily what I might have expected, but it was a good one. From that point on, I knew this was the only way to handle my screw-ups. Before that, I might have hidden from an error, tried to cover it up, made up stories about it – anything but face the wrath/disapproval/etc of the powers that be.
One of the vows I have made in this relationship is meticulous communication. That seemed pretty simple at the time. And then comes a time when it’s scary and I have to communicate about something that really frightens me and has my heart in my throat. And that’s when I know this is really important. From past experience I know that when those things are tamped down and stuffed, they grow – they undermine love and trust and, especially, joy.
I am infinitely fortunate that I am in love with a man who listens, is willing to talk, tells the truth to me about how he feels and is willing to hang in there until it’s good. He’s rare. He’s special. And I respect and appreciate him even more – as if that were possible.
Well,. actually, yes – it is possible, because today my respect for him shot up about 100 per cent. Why? He suggested hanging Theobroma chocolate sticks from the Christmas tree: lots of them – and then we can simply eat the decorations whenever we feel the urge.
You see? Respect – way up. He has set the bar pretty high when if comes to genius ideas.
And I love him.
Stay tuned: dress shopping Part Deux – tomorrow!