So this is what it looks like when two twits got Christmas shopping. And in spite of all this foolishness, we had a great day. We got some wonderful gifts. And we fit in a delightful lunch with Joanne. And we went dress shopping for New Years Eve.
And that is where I learned major lessons. They weren’t much fun but then, I can’t remember ever having grown through having an easy time of it.
We started out at the Bay. The first thing I learned is that Simon is brilliant at seeing styles that flatter me. The second is that it has been many years since I shopped for a dress and I was not prepared.
I was not prepared physically: note to self: when shopping for a dress, it’s a good idea to wear appropriate underwear (bra) and maybe actual dressy shoes rather than light hikers, hiking socks and leggings. Also, it doesn’t do one bit of good to have severe hat hair and not a stitch of makeup.
But there were other lessons as we plowed through the Bay and then Catwalk and Damsels: the lighting in dressing rooms is less than flattering. Also, I am old enough to admit that no light is going to flatter me. I am not going to look good in bare arms and low necklines. Just. Not.
And that made me very sad. Suddenly I looked and saw every single one of my 69 years. For more than a decade I have celebrated my body. I have loved it and appreciated it because it does everything I want it to do. It never aches or gives me a moment’s worth of pain. It’s strong and healthy and hikes up a mountain for hours without complaint. Today, standing in a stupid dress store, I felt embarrassed about my body. It had wrinkles and sags. It wasn’t young. I so want to look pretty and beautiful for Simon. That 20 year age gap suddenly loomed huge.
I told him how I felt as we began the long drive home. And this beautiful, amazing man, did everything and said everything he could to reassure me. For the most part, he did. But I know this is also something I will have to process a bit longer in my heart. I have to wrap my soul fully around myself and fall in love with my body all over again, not just because it is strong and healthy and fit, but also because it is beautiful in ways that society generally does not measure beauty. I believe my love when he tells me I am beautiful. I believe it because I know he would never lie to me.
And so I have some processing to do. I have big trust that I am capable of coming out the other end stronger and better. I have such amazing support. And I, with Simon at my side, will hop back into the fray. We are going to find an amazing dress that is perfect for me – and New Years Eve is going to be wonderful.
Meanwhile, tomorrow I am going to spend the day baking Christmas treats in the kitchen. One more thing in life to look forward to. That and beating Simon at a game of Scrabble. That game is about to start in three, two one…..