We had a super evening at the Banff Mountain Film Festival. And then we came home and talked until midnight. There’s this wonderful process right now of learning each other. And I have a very strong desire to learn authentically and to be learned in the same way.
That means not making assumptions. Sometimes what I hear is not what is being said. I am hearing old tapes from my past. When that happens, I have to ask questions to clarify. I want to understand. I want this relationship to be grounded in the reality of the present, not in the stories I make up based on past hurts.
This can require real vigilance. I have to be utterly honest with myself. And sometimes I have to be courageous. But here’s the important thing: this is worth it. This “thing” we have is by far the most precious gift I have ever been given. I cherish it. It’s priceless to me.
I have heard it said and I have read many times that a relationship requires work and commitment. I have made the commitment – I am more than willing to put in the work; it’s a labour of utmost love.
I am a flawed and damaged human being. I have done so much in my life that I am not proud of. I have hurt people. I have messed up. I have been less than honest and honourable. But I have also grown and worked hard to become the me I am today. I will mess up again – the odds are very much in favour of screwing up. But I know that this time around I am willing to do the hard stuff: own up, be accountable, take responsibility and still dedicate myself to being the best me I can be and to give everything I have to this beautiful, miraculous relationship.
I know that I will continue to wake up every morning feeling blessed. I am the most fortunate woman on earth.
So here I am, back at Simon’s house, dogs snoozing, Simon writing, feeling completely content, my whole body, heart, mind and soul at peace.
Soon, we will have a Scrabble rematch game. yeah – I know – bad idea. But I really do have to catch up. Two games ago, he won by one point. The last game, he won by two points. And that, gentle readers, is just not right. It’s time to get revenge.
I will do my best to be a good person, but not until after the game.