Oh the endless chatter of my mind! Really! I think, with any luck, I might even remember some of the thoughts that swirled through my head today.
First, I marvel at the Law of Attraction. About seven or eight years ago, I said to anyone who would listen (poor folks) that I was done with relationships. Just, simply done. I’d been there. I’d experienced it. I decided I wasn’t very good at them and life was wonderful, calm and happy without them (except of course my relationship with my dog, which is on another level altogether).
And so I happily and contentedly lived my life. Then, for some very strange reason that I still can’t really explain, I decided some time in the spring, that maybe I would open myself up once again to the possibility of a relationship. But if I was going to do that, it was going to be something very different – something where awareness, unconditional love and a real spiritual sense were of utmost importance. Intellectually, I didn’t quite grasp how that was about to happen, but I just opened and decided to let the rest take care of itself.
And it did. To my utter astonishment. And joy.
So, today I came face-to-face with the demons of my cultural programming. Luckily, I was mostly amused. Here are the things I have lived with most of my life: the voices that say things like, “If you really want him to stay interested, you have to be coy. “If you don’t want to lose him, play it cool – pretend you’re not as interested as you are.” I could go on with all that – but most of these voices want me to be someone I am not. They want me to put on a mask. They want me to play games.
I suspect men have similar programming.
It’s a wonder we ever manage to create beautiful, loving relationships at all.
I heard the voices and let them go.
I don’t believe you can have love without trust. Not for long, anyway.
And I gave up all the voices, surrendered to what is – and decided to simply trust.
It feels good.
And I am very happy.
Most significantly, I find this man very, very easy to trust.