As I was walking with Abby today, I thought about my feeling, my growth, my awareness – my evolution as a human being if you will. And yes, there is a theme here through all these posts: that being that I do my best thinking when I walk. And that, of course, partly explains why I love hiking and why I occasionally like to hike alone – and why I plan to spend a couple of overnights on my own.
But back to my original train of thought. One of my ambitions is to become a better person. I don’t think it matters one bit how old I am. I can aspire to goodness and to an evolution until the day I die. It’s a worthy goal and one I aim for. One way for me to get there is to notice my emotions and thoughts, most especially those that are less than admirable.
I jokingly talk about “trail envy.” That’s a state of emotion I enter into when I see all the hikes that people are doing that I am not a part of, either because I didn’t know about them or because I am working or otherwise occupied. It’s odd, that. I have never been jealous where a lover is concerned. Honestly – I can’t recall a single time. But, in my life, I have been jealous of people getting the job I wanted, or being selected for the team before me. I don’t know if this is about being “popular” or simply that I don’t want to be left out.
I can analyze this to Timbuktu and back and take it to the immigrant experience when I was shunned simply because of my country of origin. But that’s not the way I want to go with this. I simply want to look at it and substitute a different viewpoint.
I did that today and I feel great about it – and hence feel better about myself. Instead of trail envy, I went to a place of feeling pleased for people, of feeling love for them and admiring them and celebrating their achievement.
And then, quite magically, I was overcome with gratitude for this miraculous and wonderful life I am gifted with.
The secret, I believe, is to approach everything – every interaction and every communication with gratitude and love. Sounds easy. I think it will take a conscious effort and lots of practice. But this is a start.