Let’s start with the hike. I won’t say that the weather was perfect, but given the forecast, it was so much better than expected. We had moments of sunshine, we had views, we had showers. No we did not sit on a high bluff to enjoy our lunch; we actually huddled under some trees and scarfed our sandwiches down pretty quickly.
But the whole circuit of the ridges was a delight. Wonderful company, as always. And we completed the entire circuit in just under 4 hours – which was pretty quick.
Now – let’s get on to love – which is (pardon the sort-of pun) a lovely subject.
I have loved some men in my time. There have been men who have left me dizzy with longing; men I have dreamed about and longed for and missed the second they left my sight.
I married twice and while I hold not a single grudge or regret, I know that not one of them would make my heart leap today. And yet, today I received a brief message from a man I loved years ago – more than a dozen. And my heart leapt. There is probably only one other old flame who can make me react that way today.
So two – that’s lovely. And it’s wonderful to love – to still love someone and not to long for them or even want them in my life. Both are men that would never have suited me. A long-term relationship with either one would never have worked.
But that’s not the point. The point is to love, to find joy in that love and to have memories of the good and sweet and gorgeous parts of those relationships.
This is a blessing.
It also makes me believe that love like that is possible again. Who knows? But, I’ll tell you one thing, if I ever fall in love again, I surely do hope it is with an appropriate match for a change. I hope I have grown and matured to a point where I can be discerning and sensible – honest with myself and the other – I hope to be nakedly honest, mostly with myself.
I’ve made mistakes. I suspect I will keep on making them. And perhaps I will never “fall in love” again. And that’s fine too. The important thing is to have love in my life now. And I have it – love is an internal experience and I don’t need a “love object” to experience it.