Now this is spring. When I can go into the back 40 and hear the birds making a harmonious racket and see the mist rising up to the morning sun – this is spring. Suddenly it’s really hear in full-throated riot.
I have a lot of work this week and next – and it’s all good.
I noticed today that I still am bothered when I am criticized – or when someone clearly doesn’t like me. But it doesn’t affect me quite as much as it used to. Instead of stewing over it, I can look at it, understand it, accept it and move on. I’m not saying I do it in an instant, but I do it. This is a good thing. I would hope that as I grow older, I would also grow more self-assured – more dependent on myself rather than the opinions of others.
however, being human, I am not sure whether I will ever totally overcome my desire to be liked. I rather envy people who don’t care at all – but that’s not who I am. I suspect I will never be the “perfect” person I always wanted to be. I remember so clearly as a child and a young teen – how I used to wake up almost every morning, vowing to myself that “today I will start being perfect. I won’t make any mistakes. I will be kind and loving and smart and……”
Guess what? It set me up for a huge fall. I usually stopping being “perfect” before breakfast and then I went into a self-loathing spiral. That was a long-time pattern for me. I strongly suspect that shreds of that pattern still float around inside my head.
But the first step is always awareness – being aware is good.